“If you can at all prevent it, do not chase after thieves when you are clad only in a leotard. It is unseemly.”

Nancy Drew in The Scarlet Slipper Mystery

* * *

I can’t just let this happen, I thought as a shifty woman in large sunglasses and a long frumpy Donald Duck t-shirt slipped a DVD from a nearby shelf into her oversized purse. I had been working on the final pages of my novel when I glanced up and caught this woman in the act.

In true Nancy Drew form, I watched for several seconds while the thief moved toward the music section and grabbed more DVDs from the end-caps she passed. When she disappeared around a corner, I grabbed my mini notepad and followed, my senses piqued.

Purple headband, large sunglasses, brown hobo bag, three CDs and one DVD in hand, stale scent of body odor, oily hair, I noted as I passed her and entered the ladies restroom.

Back in the café a few minutes later, I heard the screeching anti-theft sensor near the door. The woman was standing next to it, moving quickly away as a paying customer walked through the door. He turned and held his book and receipt up for all to see as the klepto headed back into the store.

I have to do something, I told myself, leaving my table again, this time to find a manager, because that is so what Nancy would do.

“Um, that woman, the one by the sensor when it went off, I’ve been watching her,” I whispered to the manager. “She put some DVDs and CDs in her bag.”

The manager nodded silently and immediately gave the alert via her in-store communication device.

For the next several minutes, every store employee and I watched the woman move throughout the shelves. She picked up countless items, hastily setting them down as she bee-lined for the exit, calculating her getaway. She attempted three more escapes, setting off the sensor every time, before a manager finally searched her bag.

“They didn’t find anything?” I said to the café worker a few minutes later. He, too, had watched the whole thing go down and had insider information thanks to his in-ear transmitter.

“But I watched her put all that stuff in her bag. She kept setting off the alarm. How could they not find anything?”

He shrugged, looking out the window as the woman walked to her car. “Happens all the time,” he said, rolling his eyes and returning to his post making lattes and microwaving cookies.

I returned to my table, outraged that this woman got away and frustrated with the nonchalant staff. But, the more I thought about it all, the more I got a sad feeling about this woman’s life. Her desperate grasping pointed to something I couldn’t quite put my finger on…something like sickness and fear.

But why do people do stuff like that, I kept wondering. I can’t be sure of all the reasons, but with my best mystery-solving skills, I have come up with a few “maybes.”

Maybe I’m not so different from this woman, with all my own desperate graspings. Maybe none of us are so different as we navigate our own worlds of unspoken pain and fearsome phobias. Maybe the only difference between a thief and the rest of us is that we cope in more acceptable, and legal, ways.

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“And indeed there will be time
To wonder, ‘Do I dare?’ and, ‘Do I dare?’
Time to turn back and descend the stair…

Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse…

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons…

T.S. Eliot, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”

“What kind of weirdo doesn’t have a TV? I will never get rid of cable, let alone our TV.” That was my passionate, dead-set and somewhat adolescent declaration as I threw down the magazine in a huff. I had just read an interview with Eugene Peterson and, in the article, the translator of The Message laughed about owning just one TV that happens to have gone unrepaired for several years.

His nonchalance regarding TV, which, as a sidenote, was absolutely not what the article was about in the very least, irritated me at first. But I couldn’t deny that it made me think, too. And the more I thought, particularly about the things God was calling me to, the kind of life I wanted, the kind of marriage I wanted, the more I came to a surprising conclusion.

Maybe we could live without TV.

It was a tentative notion, one I waved away quickly, as if I had just conjured up some impossible feat like scaling Mt. Everest in flip-flops. But now, a handful of months later, Jason and I have pulled the plug, keeping the electronic beast only for occasional movie-watching and Wii-playing. And it works for us, even if there are no more throw-downs with Bobby Flay, no more nuclear threats thwarted with Jack Bauer, no more groovy Weather Channel tunes to keep us company.

But hadn’t I uttered those magic words: “I will never…”

I had. And that got me thinking about the other nevers I have set up in my life, nevers that I’m doing today. Nevers like drinking coffee, eating spinach, doing yoga, writing a novel, hiking through a state park, being a conservationist, listening to Jimi Hendrix.

There is a kind of power gained in seeing nevers for the little shits they really are. They are not life-givers that protect from unforeseeable monsters or dangerous bends in the path, but rather life-stealers that paralyze forward motion and foster fear.

So, I’ve had some nevers; ok, a lot of nevers. And I’ve overcome some in spite of myself and irrational fear. But what about the other nevers, the nevers I just breathed today.

Do I dare dream of defeating today’s nevers to gain tomorrow’s dreams?

Do I dare starve these pesky little nevers until they die?

Do I dare stop measuring my life with coffee spoons?

Do I dare, and do I dare?

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Now I live,
I breathe,
For an audience of One
Because I know
This journey is my own…

Sara Groves, Conversations

A few months ago, I wrote about being in a sponge season, soaking in truths that are releasing me toward the passions that God has called me to, toward eternal matters, toward the version of me that He’s always intended. It seems in every aspect of life – spiritual, physical, emotional, relational, financial, intellectual, vocational – God has set off the alarm of my soul and waked me up to the real stuff, the best stuff, the bigger picture, the great journey.

And I am beside myself with a joy that comes with freedom, wholeness, and the nearness of God as He continues to inundate my heart and mind, changing everything, transforming every thought, inviting me on this journey with Him and giving me Jason to share it all with.

That said, the journey is treacherous. It is a daring undertaking to run after freedom, to chase truth, to pursue the God of the universe. There is brokenness. There is loss. There are the shattered remains of favorite idols. There is opposition. There is ridicule. There is misunderstanding. There is conflict. There is danger.

And there is no arrival, no end, on this go-around. That comes later, when with resurrected eyes we can see the perfected finished work we were always moving toward. But here, now, there will be countless sidetracks on the way, all sorts of paths better left un-tread, plenty of backtracking, stumbling, crawling, missing turns.

But the journey of becoming like Christ and becoming the closest version of who He made us to be is good. Though messy, it resonates in eternity even now and puts a smile on the face of a King as we become a part of His kingly work.

I have no doubt you’re experiencing the same type of revelations and inspiration, moving closer to the deepest heart of God. If there are any books, teachings, music, movies, or anything else that has opened your eyes to freedom and truth, please share it here next time you stop by.

Here are a few of the vehicles God has used to get my attention lately:

Rob Bell and Mars Hill Bible Church, Grand Rapids – Rob’s recent sermon series, “God is Green” (which you can still get for free if you hurry) has given me new eyes to see God’s heartbeat for the whole of His creation and to join others in stewarding it well. MHBC also has incredible guest speakers that offer true, refreshing perspective on God’s word in addition to Rob’s teaching.

Erwin McManus and Mosaic Church, Los Angeles – Erwin’s out-of-the-box teaching has inspired urgency in me toward the calling of God on my life and how that fits in the greater work He is doing in His world.

Captivating by Stasi Eldredge – Yes, a little girly. (The cover of a princess and her castle in the distance doesn’t help.) But truth nonetheless. Think the female version of Wild at Heart. Ladies, read it to taste the beauty and freedom that is yours in Christ. Fellas, read it to know how to better love your ladies.

Grace (Eventually) by Anne Lamott – She’s a feisty one, that Anne. While Anne and I would disagree on some theological matters, and even more political matters, her words have embraced me like few others. She is my evidence that all truth is God’s truth…and that we will indeed be surprised about who ends up as our neighbor in heaven!

Eat This Book by Eugene H. Peterson – The man is a prophet for our times, speaking truth and living free the way few others do. I mean, only a man this determined, this inspired, would turn down an invitation to spend a day with Bono and the U2 gang. Peterson helps us read the Bible with the same hunger and voracious-ness as we would eat a feast, showing us how to live what we read and make it real in the everyday stuff.

Failing Forward by John Maxwell – As one who tends toward perfectionism, I need to hear all the time that failure is not the end, that there’s no such thing as perfect, that failing is maybe even good. While I’ve never been a huge Maxwell fan, this book is HUGE for me, healing and invigorating broken places.

Boundaries by Drs. Cloud and Townsend – A classic, this book literally seems to breathe as it teaches us how to love well in the midst of living for an audience of One and being who God means for us to be.

The book of Ezekiel, by God – I’ve been in Ezekiel the past month and am amazed that, despite the continual turning away of His people, God shows compassion, mercy, and saving power “for the sake of His name” always.

Mockingbird by Derek Webb – When Webb released this album in 2006, it seemed nearly every song rubbed up against my black-and-white worldview. Now that I’m discovering all the gray shades, I can’t get enough of it. It is in-your-face, unflinching, unapologetic, thought-provoking, an artistic work that motivates change.

Sara Groves – Her conversational, honest lyrics and easy melodies are the recipe for soul-stirring and soul-resting in me. All of her songs, on any album, give me a place to heal, rest, think, dance and journey.

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Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
~ Benjamin Franklin

“You’re going to spit it out?” the incredulous winery server said.

“Well, yeah. We’ve got three more wineries to visit today,” I laughed.

She shrugged and I spit the deep ruby cab in the silver spitoon.

Spitting some of the richest, sweetest wines goes against every one of my grains, but is a necessity when touring wine country the way Jason and I just did and keeping a clear head about it.

I spit wine in Napa because it is, as Frederick Buechner says, “…booze, which means it is dangerous and drunk-making.” Dangerous like so many good, great things: money, food, sex, firearms. All dangerous, all good.

Did God really give us these risky things, daring us to enjoy them in moderation, wisdom and understanding so we might lay hold of the abundant, joyful life He offers us? Could it be that God takes immense pleasure in us taking controlled pleasure in all He has created…the safe and the risky?

Pastor Dan Scott says it this way: “The Lord wants us to learn to be responsible with dangerous things.”

The beauty of wine – or any other good and dangerous thing – can only be enjoyed when I acknowledge both its exquisiteness and its destructive potential.

**

“Here’s to reclining,” I said, clinking my glass with Jason’s over spaghetti-smattered dishes. We had spent nearly two hours at the table that night not long ago, laughing, crying, eating, talking…reclining. In recent months, Jason and I have become increasingly aware of our need and desire to slow down and take in more of the best stuff: rich flavors, nature outside our windows, each other’s company.

And there’s something about uncorking over a meal that gives more room for that kind of reclining. The wine is kind enough to open itself to us – revealing intricate flavors and fragrances – and we open up to each other as we chill out, breathe in, slow down, share dreams, and connect souls.

***

Jesus outted Himself as Yahweh’s Son by turning water into wine, the best wine it is said, at a wedding in Cana. Why water? Why wine?

Winemaker and owner of Cunio Cellars Gino Cunio gives a glimpse into Jesus’ miracle. The Cunio label not only tells the story of the wedding feast in Cana, but shows Jesus’ hands dipped in water, because when Jesus did miracles, even as earthy and mind-boggling as wine-making, He touched.

Jesus showed us with His own hands that wine is sacred.

“Laughter and bread go together,
And wine gives sparkle to life…”
Ecclesiastes 10:19

Wine teaches us a little about life, too.

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