I smiled. He smiled.

I laughed. He laughed.

Then I stubbed my toe getting up from the couch. And I scowled. He furrowed his brow.

Every day I am reminded that Jude is reading my expressions, searching my face for reactions and responses to the world around me. He is a kind of mirror, reflecting back the movements of my face and hands.

It’s truly amazing that in just four months he’s come so far. His development – the development of so many infants – is invigorating to watch.

And at the same time, it’s scary.

We’re having Jude baptized on Sunday and so much of the liturgy that Jason and I will speak reminds me that our lives are reflected in Jude’s life. In fact, one of the main reasons Anglicans baptize infants is to hold parents accountable. As Jason said in his brilliant post about Jude’s baptism, “I’ve come to believe that there is something very significant about being born into a family that truly follows Christ, even with all their faults and frailties. Our role in Jude’s life is a big part of the meaning of this baptism.”

Our role in Jude’s life…

What do I want that to look like? I know that I want mercy and grace, peace and truth, love and dignity to mark this little man. So do I exude those things? Am I compassionate? Am I truth-loving? Do I forgive well…or at all? Do I see the unsurpassable worth of every human being? Do I live a whole-istic life? How do I do love?

These are hard questions. Honest questions. Questions with on-going, messy, and scary answers. They are the questions that will continually remind me to walk worthy and renounce evil as I love my son. They are the questions that will help both Jude and me become beautiful reflections.

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