Posts Tagged ‘jude’
emerging
These past several months have been an interesting road creatively speaking. With nothing more than stolen moments to write and think and reflect, the words and ideas I used to put together so quickly and easily have been traded out for the urgent and delicate hands-on labor of motherhood.
And this is good. I would give up everything to be Jude’s momma…without hesitation. But at the same time, it does my heart some good to know that, while I can never get back the solitude and carefreeness I once had, I do still have something to offer to the conversation. In fact, I would argue that I have infinitely more to offer as my heart has been expanded with love and grace and truth in these days of Jude.
That said, please check out Emerging Women’s site today. They posted an article of mine previously posted at KristaFinch.com, an article inspired by my little punkin’ pie.
This was my first step toward joining the conversation again. And the emerging has been good.
1 Commentschool of jude: lesson #785
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Take me back to the start
Coldplay, The Scientist
Lesson #785: Sometimes you really can’t do anything except be there with them in the night with your heartbeat and your tears.
2 Commentsangels
“This baby is lucky to have you as parents,” the older lady in a blue skirt and white blouse said as she quietly knelt next to me. She stared at Jude, who was sleeping against my chest in the wrap I wear him in several hours a day.
“You’ve got him next to your heart. Right where he should be,” she said, gently touching my shoulder. Jason and I didn’t say a word as we basked in the kindness of this stranger. We just nodded and, as for me, I blinked back tears. “Have a wonderful life. God bless you.”
I kissed Jude’s head, closed my eyes, and breathed in the sweetness as this precious lady walked away. You see, the past month has been tough, to understate it. Not only have I battled some of those typical post partum physical and emotional issues, but we’ve discovered that Jude has some of his own colic and reflux issues. It has made for some very wild evenings and some very long crying sessions, on Jude’s part and mine.
And these crying sessions in all their vigor and lengthy-ness have left me feeling like a failure. What kind of mother can’t soothe and calm her child? What kind of mom can’t figure out what’s making her child cry? I’ve asked the questions over and over, grieving that this season of motherhood has not looked anything like I expected. This season in which all those instincts a mom is supposed to have, all those motherly lullabies and caresses that are supposed to work, have failed.
But then there have been angels. Like little old ladies in blue. And then there’s the mom who showed me how to tie my Sleepy Wrap, a perfect stranger whose blue-eyed baby boy was also named Jude.
There’s also the Le Leche League ladies who offered incredible support right when I needed it. And I can’t forget the ladies at 9 Months & Beyond who have been there for me around the clock with strength, kindness and wisdom since before Jude was even born. There are the three women I emailed on one of my darkest days, who wrote back immediately to share their stories of colic and tears and that they truly did know how hard it was. And when I got an infection and ran a fever two weeks after Jude was born, it was my mom who drove seven hours in the middle of the night to take care of us so Jason could work.
Angels, every one. Angels who didn’t make the problems and the pain go away. But who showed us a new way to nurture our son. Who helped us see the glory in the grime. Angels who gave us a softer place to land in all our falling and flailing.
Jason and I watched the little old lady in the blue skirt walk past the deli counter at the store. “That was an angel,” I told him, completely convinced.
“I’m keeping an eye on her,” he said, nodding. “See if she disappears into thin air.”
We laughed and breathed another sigh after we saw her turn a corner. We’ve always known we’re lucky that Jude’s our son. Our little angel helped us believe again that he’s lucky to have us, too.
4 Commentsschool of jude: lesson #533
And love is not the easy thing…
I know it aches
And your heart, it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on
All That You Can’t Leave Behind, U2
Lesson #533: When your child cries, you cry.
No Commentshey jude: a letter from your momma
[click the picture to see Jude's first video]
Well, Jude, I suppose you’re not surprised. But your momma certainly is. Surprised and filled with unspeakable joy. She thought the little life inside was for sure a girl, but when you uncrossed those growing legs at the ultrasound appointment today, you let us in on your secret.
Oh my God, a boy! was all I could say as the technician typed, “BOY” in all caps across the screen. And your daddy was speechless. We cried and laughed and cried and laughed some more while we held hands and learned about your spine, your kidneys, your heart, your feet, your face. That sweet face. From the grainy images on the screen it looks like you have your momma’s nose and your daddy’s mouth.
I went right out and bought you a book today, a real boy book. You already have so many books from all of us here waiting for you. (We think you might love to read like momma and daddy.) But none of those books were just for a boy, so I took care of that. I can’t wait to hold you in my lap and read you to sleep. And read you to dream-worlds and fantasy-lands only a boy with your imagination could create.
I have talked to God about you, talked all about you so many mornings, afternoons, evenings and in the deep mid-nights when sleep wouldn’t have me. I loved you before I even knew you existed. And now, as you are daily shaped into the boy who is my son, I pray this blessing over you:
Jude Adam
May you know courage and tenderness, strength and compassion.
May you worship God from dust to dust, all your days.
May you receive the life-giving inheritance of grace that is yours because you are huios, a son and an heir.
May you always know your name, Child; the name given you by the One who has forever known you.And “may mercy and peace and love be multiplied to you…and may you keep yourself in the love of God, ready and waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life. May you have mercy on some who are doubting; and save others, snatching them out of the fire…” (Jude 2, 21-23)
You are a treasured gift, Jude Adam. You are a blessed son.
10 CommentsFollow
